Last night before I fell asleep I had the urge to pick up and read the allocated words for the day of May 3 from the book Meditations for women who do too much by Anne Wilson Schaef. It lives in a basket beside my bed under my dressing table along with other books I like to keep close.
I found May 3, my eyes going straight to the author's musing at the bottom of the meditation.
I never thought I would be grateful for this disease had me draw a sharp breath in. The author is referring to the disease that is workaholism, including rushaholism, busyaholism and careaholism. But I saw it as the disease that I experience - the difficulties and distension I have with my bowel.
I can tell you now, I am not grateful for my disease. I hate how it affects me - physically and emotionally - and what it has done to my life. And I want it gone.
But this morning when I woke to the persistent pain, I remembered the message from May 3...
I never thought I would be grateful for this disease, and it has opened up a possibility of a whole new life for me.
If I wasn't for this affliction I wouldn't strive to learn more about myself and my place in the world. It has revived me from ennui; challenged me to face my feelings; forced me to let go; encouraged me to look within.
It's easy to be grateful for the good in our lives, but how many of us are grateful for the tough times and the good that can come from them?
When I'm 'in it', and have been for days, it's hard for me to see the good. But when I remember to value all that I have learnt and appreciate how much I have grown because of it, gratitude washes through me and I feel a renewed sense of hope. Trust is restored that I am 'on schedule' with the universe, and I find the strength to smile again and get on with living life just as I am - pain or no pain.