I was first cab off the rank - first patient to be seen after the doctor had finished in theatre for the morning. I arrived at my scheduled time of 1.30 only to be told she wasn't back yet from the hospital.
Now once upon a time I would've started sighing impatiently at the inconvenience, but not today. I was desperate for a cup of tea and happy to be granted more time so I could keep searching for an answer to the question of what to do re my ongoing uterine pain.
I drove straight to the town library, planning how to execute this precious gift- an hour to scan the shelves and have a cuppa before I was due back to discuss my dilemma.
In I walked, knowing it was the 615s I needed, hearing the message :
Just pick one book...one book.
Just one? Really?
That's a difficult feat for me at the best of times, but I did as I was told. And after several minutes, this was the one...
I was surprised at first - I own this book!
It's on my shelf. I've had it for about a dozen years.
I've read it and gone back to it many times.
But as so often happens, I get something different from a book every time I pick it up.
Sometimes it'll feel like I've never even read it!
That's why I love non-fiction wisdom literature - it keeps on giving, and always at the right time, when you need the message most.
Anyway... 45 minutes still on the clock! I ordered a cuppa, settled into a seat and began skimming. Plenty of wonderful wise words but what Caroline Myss says on pages 176 and 177 really spoke to me.
"Healing is not a quest to solve your mysteries, but to learn how to live within them."
What she says about life and mystery is so eloquent and beautiful I've decided to share it almost word for word - I think it's a message we all need to hear...
"Life is full of mystery. In fact, life is only a mystery - a journey beset by fogs we didn't see coming and detours into magical gardens that we had no idea were being cultivated for us. Asking why the painful and wonderful events occur when and as they do is a useless waste of energy...So many factors, incidents, forces, and energies are involved in them you can never determine any single cause."
Hence the title of this section in the book -
Healing is not a quest to solve your mysteries, but to learn how to live within them.
Look back at what I wrote in my last post about my quest for wholeness, and what my blog is called - Seeker & Sage, and how I approached my time before the doctor as time to search for answers. I have been on a mission to solve the mysteries around my ill-health for years...but I'm not really sure I've been learning how to live within them... :(
She goes on to say that, "Illness remains one of the leading mysteries in life" (p.177) and that we need to, "get past the questions...Live within the questions...but do not allow them to take over your life."
Goose bumps. This is big for me. Huge.
I feel relieved. But also annoyed at myself cos I know I have allowed those unanswerable questions (and my quest to have them answered) to take over my life. Sigh.
I'll leave you with one final message - the one I think at times we all need to hear, (especially me)whether we're sick or not; whether we're healing our body, our mind or our heart...
"Focus on your healing in the present time."