Sometimes the revelations come quite unexpectedly. Not just in their timing but also their source.
Yesterday was day 5 of dancing comps for my daughter. Emotions were running high - especially mine! I nearly passed out several times from the hairspray fumes and the pressure to perform my best ticks, buns and costume changes nearly broke me.
But it's watching the performances that causes the ache in my heart.
I had to really contain myself yesterday. I saw my little girl dance the best she has ever danced in her long yet young career. My heart was swollen with love and my eyes wet with pride. I know she danced the best she could ; and I knew she'd be happy with that. But I still wanted her to get the recognition she deserved. And when it didn't come I was gutted - and it showed.
I had to make a quick exit, get some fresh air, pull myself together. I told myself all the things I should be thinking : it's not about winning...what matters is she did her best... But my heart wouldn't hear it. I needed to go back in there and front up for the next performance but the tears were too strong.
It was time for reinforcements - time to call my husband.
He treated me as I had hoped, with great care and tenderness, until he told me I was 'just like my father' (who was once a little over-zealous in his enthusiasm for his daughters on the netball court and has been teased about it ever since!)
For a split second I saw red - I didn't want to be that parent. And then the goose bumps came and I realised where my father's 'bad' behaviour came from - it came from a place of love. He is a passionate man, and is passionate about many things, least of all his children! All he wanted was for us girls to do well, to succeed, to be happy. What's wrong with that?
In that moment I embraced my passionate nature and felt ok about wanting what I wanted for my daughter. And I was proud that I was 'just like my father'.