Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Because I can

We have this neighbour. She is a healthy, active, compassionate, giving,  middle-aged chick with a great sense of humour who cares a lot about pets and people - probably in that order. (And she'd probably like me saying that.)

I found out a few days ago that she is in a hospital in Melbourne. She came off her bike while riding through our beautiful forest - a place I would usually see her walk to or from every other day. A head injury. A coma. And now in the land of recovery and rehabilitation which has no certainties.

I was on my way to walk Harvey through that same forest when I got the news from another lovely neighbour. Shocked. Devastated. How could this have happened to her? The remark that such a thing could happen to one who was so healthy...

Health has nothing to do with the rock you hit along the path.

My first instinct was, can I visit? Shortly followed by what can I cook for her partner? She's not up for visitors and her partner is with her for an unknown period down in Melbourne. Well what else can I do????

Every time I had this thought I went into 'worry' about her and a sense of helplessness would wash over me. And if what they say is true - that thought is energy and energy is everywhere - then I am not helping her one bit by thinking worrying thoughts.

So I did what Kiki taught me. Each time I drive or walk past her house I picture her smiling and happy and feel love for her in my heart. I imagine her well and healthy and cracking some joke.

But I want to do more! Wandering home from a walk on Sunday, facing her house, I asked what would A.M. want me to do...

The answer - not waste a moment. How dare I let this day pass by unnoticed, on auto-pilot, while wanting the next day to hurry up and come.

I can't anymore. And I don't want to. And each time I slip back into self-pity whether it be about my gut aching or having to do housework or groceries that I don't feel like doing, A.M. springs to mind and I wake up again and remember, No! no more feeling victimised...you get to choose.

So from now on, as often as possible, I'm choosing to live the moments with the life I was given.

And no, this doesn't mean I'm about to make a bucket-list and start ticking things off it. It means living - engaging with what's unfolding and appreciating what I'm doing, no matter how menial or mundane. And taking delight in the pleasure of the sun's warmth and the carpet under my feet. Because I can. Because I'm not in a hospital bed unable to feed myself or remember how I got there.

This one's for you A.M. ...

No comments:

Post a Comment