Tuesday, 17 March 2015

The search continues

This week's post arrived on my doorstep yesterday afternoon.

I'd been wanting to write for Seeker & Sage for days but the topic was yet to appear, and now I know why.

This book is one of many that I ordered last week to help me with my Masters Thesis. Actually, it was another book by this author I was chasing but when I Googled psychologist James Hillman and saw his repertoire of inspiring books lined up across the screen, the Seeker in me couldn't help but want to read and own a book titled, The Souls's Code: In search of Character and Calling.

When you buy books on-line you can never be sure when they're going to show up, nor which will come first. So yesterday's delivery was a delightful surprise.

I couldn't wait to delve into it but kids and projects and errands and dog grooming and dinner left me no chance to do what I so desperately wanted to do - curl up on the couch and start soaking in the words from this number one New York Times Bestseller. Ha...I'd never even heard of it till last week, and now I was in love with it before I even turned page one!

Incidentally when I get a new book in the mail the first thing I do is check to see if the seller has 'randomly' placed a receipt or bookmark among the pages. If so, I take it as a sign. I open the book to the designated marking and see what it has in store for me. Usually it is something that sends me into goosebumps - something I need to know.

But not this time. Not this book. So I took matters into my own hands. I held the book and thumbed the furry outer edge of the pages slowly and delicately, just moving them enough until they started parting and then it became obvious to me where to open to.

The first word I saw was the chapter title in the top right hand corner of the right hand page...Fate.

Goosebumps. I read down the page until I found the message meant for me that day:

"The pull of purpose comes with force; you may feel full of purpose. But just what it is and how to get there remains undetermined. The telos [aim or fulfilment] may even be double or triple and confused about whether to sing or dance, write or paint. Purpose does not usually appear as a clearly framed goal, but more likely as a troubling, unclear urge coupled with a sense of indubitable importance."

That's how I've been feeling in a nutshell - about writing, about this blog, about Uni, about my thesis, about what I'm doing on the planet and point of it all.

I have moments where I feel full of purpose, but I don't know what I'm aiming for. So I try and name it but I am at once lost for words. But Hillman has today helped clarify the unclarifiable - that troubling ache and urge that strikes to write this blog, that thesis, both of which I debate the importance of yet which I feel the pull of purpose with and sense of importance that I cannot doubt or deny.

I am drawn to spirit too - the world that exists within and behind this world, and the mystery of the soul and what we can do to connect with and integrate its abundant guidance and wisdom. To work with that realm is another ache I feel, hence a sense of confusion as Hillman points out from a double telos as to which one to pursue.

But just like this book coming into my life somewhat unexpectedly, we don't always know what's next. Nor do we always understand the relationship and meaning between seemingly unrelated instances as they occur - but if we're open to seeing the connections and believe in a greater purpose at work then we can let go and trust that all is unfolding in our highest and best interest . Maybe it's time the Seeker was a little more patient and trusting that all will be revealed at the 'right' time. And when the urge strikes to go to the desk and write, write!

One last thing - I want to thank you, dear readers and family and friends, for supporting me as try and find my telos, my aim, my purpose, that I feel is so strongly bound to words and meaning and this thing we call life. It is a privilege to be read by you and my honourable pleasure to share with you that which is in my heart. Love and gratitude, G xx

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