As it happens, one book led to another and I found myself reaching for a Bernie Siegel favourite.
But the book I had in mind was not the one I needed. Next to it, and quite by surprise was a title that I hadn't yet read. I must've bought it at a second-hand bookshop, popped it on the shelf and forgotten about it. Joy. I love it when that happens!
I tucked myself promptly onto the couch with a blankie and a warmed wheat bag and settled in for some of Dr Siegel's wise words. Three pages into his introduction and I am hooked. Chapter one sub-header, We Are Perfectly Imperfect, and I realise I gotta make some serious notes. But it was page 24 that really hit me.
"Living in the moment doesn't mean you may not schedule things and have plans for the future. But when your plans are redirected, maybe God is trying to get you on the universe's schedule, trying to get you in touch with your intuitive side."
Goose bumps. Big time. And tears.
Boy oh boy...what a way of seeing what happens to you!
I have gone from job to job over the years, looking for the 'right' fit for me. I felt like I was getting closer to finding it and then all these painful symptoms started in 2007 and just got worse and worse - to the point where I eventually had to give up work. Since then I have often wondered if I was actually on the 'wrong' career path and this was the universe's way of telling me.
I had already written a 50,000 word self-help-type manuscript which thankfully wasn't published! But from that came my first published work, Note to Self. A work that I put my heart and soul into. A work that I am immensely proud of. Challenging, but oh so worth it. I learnt so much about myself and my beliefs, and about people and publishing. It was a deeply satisfying experience that I still cherish. But after that, the writing stopped. I took on two new jobs that I thought were going be 'it'.
It turns out they weren't. I was getting more and more unwell with each day that passed and in June 2010 made the very tough decision to walk away from both jobs and do whatever it took to get well.
Four years on and I am still on that path and wondering what it's all about.
And then last Wednesday I read those words in Bernie Siegel's book How to live between office visits ( Harper Collins 1993).
"...when your plans are redirected, maybe God is trying to get you on the universe's schedule, trying to get you in touch with your intuitive side."
So that's what I'm doing. That's what this blog is about. Me getting back on the universe's schedule, trusting my intuition and seeing what happens when I do.
I'll keep you posted ; ) xx